To know how to heal your inner child wounds, you will have to get into the innermost deepest part of the heart of your wounded inner child.
To be rid of a self-destructive way of living, we will need to explore why the need to destruct exists as well what is its purpose in our life.
Most times when a person experiences fear, anxiety, anger or low self-esteem it’s usually as a protection mechanism against something that took place in a child’s life. So this is your inner child’s way of protecting you the adult from getting hurt.
In order to heal the inner child, we need to realize all of our beliefs are developed by the time we are seven years old. Up until this age others do our thinking for us. After that we do our thinking ourselves.
But our thinking will always be based on what we learned before the age of seven. The beliefs which are instilled in us by our parents, grandparents, authority figures, teachers even media become ingrained into our very being.
Most childhood traumas will leave an impact of some sort which is how the destructive behavior patterns are formed.
Some examples of childhood trauma could include:
- parents being unemotionally available
- not being emotionally supported
- being bullied by parents/grandparents/others
- being sexually molested
- abandoned by parents
- chaos or dysfunction in the house
- the death of a loved one
These are just a few of the ways a child is traumatized. I just wanted to give you an idea of how your inner child is viewing their world, which colors your adult world.
You as the adult may think you’ve gotten past the issues you dealt with as a child. The inner child however never forgets until it is taken care of.
Have you ever noticed how children when young will keep repeating what they’re saying until acknowledgment or hearing has taken place?
Same goes for the child living within us, that child will keep repeating itself until we do something about it.
Because this inner child in us deserves the same value that we provide to our loved ones.
Everything up until now the inner child has done for us, which is usually destructive behavior, is so we as an adult don’t get hurt again.
Can you imagine?
How much our inner child does for us, yet we go about our daily living most times not acknowledging all it has endured.
By allowing yourself to follow the four simple steps to heal your inner child wounds, you will permit yourself to live a free life without worry.
Before we get into the steps, remember your inner child is the echo of the child you once were.
Access Your Inner Child
You can access your inner child by asking:
- How are you feeling right now?
- What would you like for me to know?
- Where do you live in my body?
- When is it the best time for me to make a connection with you?
What you need to do when you ask these questions is to listen to your first response. Sometimes the answer may be ridiculous, but remember this coming from a child in you. So pay attention to the reaction.
Meet this child on its terms, not yours. As most of us know to get to know a child, we need to get down to the level of a child. That’s one of the best ways to form trust with the child. Or otherwise, you risk the loss of resolving what this child wants to be resolved.
Allow Yourself to Experience Your Inner Child’s Feelings
I remember in my childhood instances of where I was told to stuff my feelings. Each time I stuffed the feeling, I reinforced the belief to my inner child that it was unacceptable for me to feel this way.
Most of us as children are told, “don’t get angry.”
What happens to that anger as we continue to stuff it down is as an adult we have to deal with the outcome of what the child didn’t learn to deal with.
Learning to develop compassion for yourself comes by way of allowing your inner child to send you the feeling it never dealt with.
These feelings could be anger, sadness, hurt, shame or maybe even tears which you couldn’t express when you were young.
If these feelings arise in your inner child, deal with them in the manner which would have you acknowledging their feelings as well provide comfort that you would to a little child.
Make An Inner Journey of Self-Exploration
I have found that inner journeys are a successful way of connecting with your inner child to heal childhood wounds.
There are two types of self-exploration journeys you can do:
Meditation journey is considered a passive process. This journey requires you to simply breathe, allow yourself to relax while focusing on thoughts which flitter through your mind while asking your question.
E.g., you might ask your inner child “precious inner child when was the first time I experienced this negative feeling?”
Once you pose this question, allow yourself to experience the thoughts that drift through. There’s a chance that your inner child will not reveal the information you’re hoping for.
But that is okay, it just means you need to build trust with your inner child. As with any child, just be patient, loving as well accepting. By accepting your inner child you’re letting it feel safe and secure.
FYI: In order to do a meditation journey of the inner child you may need to learn meditation. I have a free e-book which you can download. Not only will you learn meditation but you will also learn about visualization, which is another way to journey into the inner child.
Visualization journey is an active way to connect with your inner child. What you will do here is view the traumas.
To have a successful visualization journey, you will need to develop a safe place where you and your inner child can talk.
This could be a room, garden or any place where you feel safe, empowered as well where your whole self can be present.
Personally when I work with clients what I find best is a room with two chairs facing each other. In one chair you the adult would sit, in the other chair you need to invite the child to sit facing you.
Gently do this without aggression, persuasion or force. Let the inner child determine when it will sit in that chair.
You need to make this space as safe as possible.
When you start to pose questions to your inner child, pose them as if you were talking to a very young child.
Remember children do not understand adult language. Therefore it is important to talk in their language.
E.g., When was the first time you felt scared? What caused a scary feeling? How can I help you be braver?
To us, as an adult, these questions may seem very timid, but to the child these questions are enormous. They will reveal to you answers which will help you to release the emotional trauma.
Love and Forgive Your Inner Child
What most children want is love. But sadly some children during their childhood go without love. These individuals that go without love, are constantly searching for that.
In a search for that love, sometimes unhealthy ways are formed. It’s those unhealthy ways which affect the adult life that we live.
The most important thing you can do you for your inner child when you invite them into that room is to let them know you love them.
Remember this is a part of you that may not have experienced love, this may be a new feeling. It is something which this inner part of you has been searching for. The inner child in you looks to you for that love and guidance that it needs to make the right choices.
It’s a lot easier to invite someone in with love rather than hate. As you know love makes the world go round, hate drives people away.
This process will make it much easier for you to make the self-exploration journey without too much heartache. Once the love has brought the inner child in, you need to ask the inner child what you can do better to make it easier for conversations to take place.
You also need to let the inner child know that you are an adult now, which means you can make adult decisions. But remember to be thankful to your inner child for protecting you all these years by sending out the feelings you were receiving.
You are the only one who can empower your mind to set it up for success.
Now comes the forgiveness part.
Since you know the reason you are receiving the feelings was a way of protecting you from getting hurt, this will make forgiveness of your inner child that much easier.
By forgiving your inner child, you essentially forgive yourself. Doing so will make it easier for you to develop the self-growth you wish to build.
Once you heal your inner child wounds, it’ll make it much easier for you to accept who you are.
Bring forth your thoughts below on what you feel is the most important aspect when dealing with inner child work.
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