Love yourself unconditionally is something which is not taught to us. We were always taught to love others. During childhood, we were taught to give it away rather than receive it.
When I was young, that’s precisely what I did. I gave love away to family/friends but never expected it back in any way whatsoever. While giving love away, I forgot that I had to provide myself with love too.
It wasn’t until I was in my early 20s after it became apparent that others weren’t valuing me. That when I learned that I had to learn to love myself. I love my children unconditionally. There was nothing they could do wrong that would make me love them any less.
But if I made any mistakes, I would beat myself over and over again. There was no end to this type of mental beating. I would go over what I had done wrong, how I could have done it better only if I wasn’t such a big loser.
Opening my eyes to loving myself was when I realized that if I didn’t put myself first, I would always be last. That’s not the way I wanted to live my life.
To give others the love that they deserve, we have to learn to love ourselves unconditionally. That means forgiving ourselves for any wrongs doing we did to ourselves which affected us.
Nowadays I am my number one fan. There is nothing anybody could say or do that will take away from my fandom.
Because I love myself so much, I’m able to give the proper type of love to those around me.
There are several things you will need to do to love yourself unconditionally.
Check in With Yourself at Least Once a Week
It doesn’t matter what we do or where we live; life will always on the go. Soon as we wake up in the morning, we get going. Most of us keep going until bedtime.
Knowing this some people have come to realize self-care is essential. Others, unfortunately, do not have the time to do so.
One thing I did was set aside a few minutes each day to check in with myself. This helped me to validate myself as well keep me focused on what I was doing.
We are creatures of habit, checking in is something we do with almost everyone, but ourselves. We check in with our boss, children, and spouse.
One of the things I learned how to check in with myself was to schedule it in my daily planner. Until it became routine, I always scheduled it in.
My check-in time with myself is before getting out of bed. Read my post on how to change your attitude. This blog post will show how to check in with yourself in more depth.
It doesn’t matter what time you decide your check-in time is, make it a priority for some eye-opening and potentially life-changing questions.
Now, remember you don’t need to ask yourself all these questions in one day. Just take one issue at a time. This way your mind will not feel scattered, neither will you feel like you’re spreading yourself thin by answering all the questions.
Here are some questions you could ask yourself, but don’t ever ask yourself close-ended questions. Always keep them open-ended. By asking yourself close-ended questions, you permit yourself to say yes or no. By keeping it open-ended, you allow yourself to elaborate on your answer.
- How do I feel about myself right now?
- What makes me the happiest?
- If I had time on my hands, what is the first thing I would do?
- What is something new that I’ve always wanted to try?
- What do I need to do to make myself feel better?
- Who or what makes me want to be my very best?
- What is the fear that is holding me back the most?
One thing I would like to hone in on is trusting your intuition. Trust the answers that come in when you are asking yourself these questions.
Put Yourself First
There were times where I did get tired of saying yes to others. I realize now in hindsight by saying yes to others; I was mostly putting myself last.
The reason many people put others first is that they think people will stop liking them. Now I know no matter what I do people will always judge me. But those who truly love me will care about how I feel.
It’s one thing to be proud of how much you give to others, but it’s another thing when you get tired of not knowing how to give to yourself. Reality is once you start to balance your need to put yourself first, you will have so much more to offer.
Most of us have to take responsibility for our action. But there are times a person who doesn’t put her/himself first will take responsibility for others’ actions. It’s like being hit with a double whammy. Not only are we taking being responsible for our actions, but we’re also taking on whatever comes our way through others’ actions.
One of the most strong beliefs people who put others first is, they feel they are not worthy of being first. By doing this, we consider ourselves less critical than others. This can lead to resentment as well as depression.
Learn to Love Your Own Company
I love my own company. At one time I used to think that having people around me was what kept me from becoming lonely. That wasn’t true; the loneliness was inside of me, it didn’t come from the environment around me.
Many of us try to avoid spending time alone. Some people fill the silence with TV, others with a constant companion, yet some avoid going home until it’s time to sleep.
Spending time alone with yourself, without distraction, is very important because it opens us up to receiving new information as thoughts flow in.
We also learn to listen to our inner voice healthily. Let the inner voice be healthy, learn how reading a blog post on I posted on how to heal your inner wounded child.
One of the best ways I found to learn to love my own company was surrounding myself with things that I like to do. Be it music, candles or just having a nice long hot bath.
Discover How Interesting You Are
Most of us tend to think we are pretty boring people. But if you ask others such as family/friends they would tell you what kind of person you are.
My family was always telling me how dramatic I am. I didn’t see it, but they did. Once I learned to see this quality about myself, I realized I am a dramatic person.
This made me quite interesting to me. Discovering something unique about yourself will help you to realize how you come across to others as well how interesting you are. I enjoy being dramatic now. It helps me to be more creative in what I put out there for others to read.
By trusting yourself, you can build up your confidence which will make it easy to make decisions as well reduce your stress levels. Any time you make decisions, they are always based on how much trust you have in yourself.
Don’t be afraid of how others look at or judge you. By doing this, we let them critique us and find fault within us.
This distrust in yourself will have you acting like a different person than who you are. Learn to set small goals which you know are attainable. By attaining your goals, you start to grow trust in your abilities.
Always be kind to yourself. Don’t let the negative thoughts get the best of you even after you make a mistake. Remember it’s okay to make mistakes after all were only human.
Take control of your decisions; they are your decisions after all. No one is going to benefit or have a lack of from the choice you make, except yourself. But at the end of the day, you will know that you made that decision.
Never Compare Yourself to Others
Don’t ever compare yourself to others. Everyone has a different life story. They are traveling on their path while you are traveling on yours.
Believe me when I say it is easy to compare yourself to others. Be it that they have more money, their kids are well behaved, their house is bigger than yours, or they have a loving spouse.
Each one of us is responsible for our life story. You want to change your story you can, but don’t change it by how others are living because none of us know how the other person real life is like.
At one time when I was a single parent, I would compare myself to the married parents. What a buzz kill that was. As time went on, I realized some of my married friends had problems, problems I’m glad I didn’t have to deal with.
If you can love yourself unconditionally, you become a better advocate for yourself. The more you love yourself, the more others start to see former you are.
When this type of love takes place within yourself, not only you, but others will not take you for granted anymore.
Let me know in comments below if any of this resonates with you.
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