Overcoming grief loss can only happen when closure has taken place. Closure can take place when the silver threads method is used when the person you need closure with is no longer around.
Grief causes so much heartache; negative thoughts keep swirling around just making the impact that much harder.
I remember when my father passed away. I had never experienced death before him. It was one of the toughest times.
There are times after he passed away I would walk around mindlessly wondering where I could go to see him. As you know, there is no place to meet once a person is gone.
My dad was in his 80s he was ready to go, dealing with his death wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be. It was my nephew’s death at 18 which made it hard to deal with.
He was murdered just as he was about to graduate. That was a death that I could not reconcile myself with. It made no sense to me as to why he had to die.
I have two children who are his would be age now. It was tough to comfort them as they were very close to their cousin.
My kids were experiencing the five stages of grief that we will all experience before any resolution is achieved.
Most people will go through the five stages within a year. Unfortunately, there are others who will never get through grief.
Below you can find the five stages of grief.
If you are one of those people who is experiencing grief, you may discover at which stage you are at right now.
But to point out moving through stages is not linear.
There’s going to be a time where we may move back a few stages. The following week the stage may change to moving up a few stages.
Denial is the first of the five stages of grief. This stage helps a person to survive the grief that they have experienced. This is when a person would feel overwhelmed as well their world would become meaningless to them.
I remember experiencing this during my nephew’s death. It was a time when I thought time would stop, but the world kept moving forward.
The pain of loss in my heart was so high I couldn’t comprehend why others were living as though nothing had happened. At times it felt so heavy that the weight of it was massively overwhelming.
The state of being in shock as well denial gives no meaning to life. There are many times when a person will question themselves about how they can go on. Most times we are just trying to get through each day an hour at a time.
By being in denial while dealing with grief, it helps us to process the loss we have just experienced. Being in the stage of denial it buffers us from the immediate shock of loss by numbing our emotions.
As humans, we tend to block out words as well as hide facts which we know are going to hurt us. For most people, this phase is a temporary response which carries us through the first wave of pain.
At this stage denial has now begun to wear off, this is where reality starts to set in that it has happened. This is when the pain starts to emerge in its full awareness.
During the anger stage, no one is ready to accept what is happened. This emotion is so intense it can be aimed at anything. Be it inanimate objects, family, friends or even strangers.
The one who has died will also become the subject of anger.
Anger is a necessary stage when healing has to take place. We need to be able to feel our anger to express it. Like I said before, anger has no limits, it will be directed at everything and everyone.
Underneath the anger is unbearable pain, during this phase, it’s very natural to feel abandoned by the one who has moved on. Anger is a bridge which is a connection from us to the person who has left us behind.
This emotion is entirely natural. Many times life seems cruel and unfair, especially when you know someone has died before their time is up.
The questions we are left behind with is: why didn’t they take better care of themselves? Couldn’t they have asked for help? Why take such a chance?
Ones who are left grieving are left with are whys.
We also know that will never get the answer for this, yet it won’t make the anger any less.
Many times when I grieved for my nephew, I was angry. Most of my anger was directed at him as well as the people who had committed the crime of murdering him. I will always wonder why he went out that day.
This is where we begin to react to our feelings of helplessness as well is vulnerability due to the situation being out of control. By negotiation, we try to take back control.
This is where the if only comes in, such as:
- If only we had been there to stop him from going out
- If only the illness had been diagnosed earlier
- If only the doctor had read the charts right
- If only I could go back and change time
Most of our bargaining is done in secret. It is usually done with God or through a higher power where belief is held. This is done to protect ourselves from the painful reality of what has or is taking place.
During the bargaining process, guilt is often associated with it. This is when we start to think if only I could’ve done something to prevent this from happening.
This is the time when we start wishing that life would go back to what it once was.
During the depression stage, we start to move back into the present moment. Because grief has entered into our lives on an intense level, the feeling of emptiness begins to take place.
This is the time when it feels like this pain is never going to end. At this time we tend to start living less, being obsessed with thoughts which culminate in more profound pain. It is an appropriate response to grief.
With mourning comes two types of depression. One depression occurs at the thought of the cost associated with the funeral as well as having to pick it all out — something we may never have imagined ourselves doing.
The other depression is more subtle which makes it more private to the person experiencing. This type of depression is related to bidding our loved ones goodbye forever.
In the depression stage, a person can be any mental fog, have a lack of response as well as experience an intense sadness.
When a person goes through acceptance, it does not mean that it’s okay what has happened. Most of us will never be okay with the grief we have experienced.
This stage is more about accepting the reality that our loved one has passed on. During this stage, we start to recognize that our loved one is physically gone from this world. We begin to realize that it is a permanent reality which cannot be changed.
This is when we start to learn to live with it. Many people try to return to living a more normal life as they lived before tragedy place. But slowly most of us realize things are changed forever for us, many of us will re-adjust accordingly.
Many coping with death deal with it on a deeply personal level. At this time no one will be able to help you or go through it.
Overcoming Grief Loss With the Silver Threads Method
Now that you know the stages of grief, you also may realize people will go back and forth through different stages. Unfortunately, some people get stuck at a stage and cannot move past it. This is where the silver threads method can help you.
When my children lost their cousin at a very young age, I knew it was going to be hard for them to move forward.
Mind you, and I experienced the death of my father in my mid-30s. Now here were two 16 and 17-year-old teenagers having to deal with the death of their cousin.
Of course, I wanted my children to go through the stages of grief on their own. But sadly it wasn’t meant to be. One of my children got stuck in the anger stage. She was so angry at her cousin for leaving the way he did.
I let her stay like this for a month or two, thinking that she would be able to move past it on her own. After a month we both talked and decided to do the silver threads method.
During the process of the silver threads, she was able to experience every stage within 45 minutes. By the time we were done, I had a daughter who had accepted her cousin’s death as well she had reconciled herself with her grief.
Now we will go through the process of overcoming grief loss by going through the silver threads method. Make sure to read the whole process before you begin.
What you will need to know before you begin the process is to learn about your submodalities. It’s important to know your submodalities because that’s what will make this process an easier way for you to move forward.
If you do not know what submodalities are read my Insiders Guide on Submodalities post to learn more.
- What you will need to do now is find a place where you feel comfortable and safe.
- Now that you have found this place you can either lie down or sit, it’s all up to you.
- Take in a deep breath and release. Do this three times on the third time when you exhale close your eyes.
- Now that your eyes are closed I want you to imagine a place in your mind where two chairs are facing across from each other.
- Find yourself sitting in one of those chairs.
- Now in the other chair invite your loved one in to take a seat. Imagine them coming through a door.
- At all times remember your loved one is not allowed to talk unless you want them to, they cannot move or look at you in any funny way. Remember you’re in control here, so you will make this happen the way you want it to happen.
- What you need to do now is vent your feelings to them. They need to hear everything that you need to say, all they’re going to do is listen.
- You may have them respond if you want, listen for the response which comes in. Don’t ignore that response, because you will be responding to that.
- Once all the talking is done, let the person know that you are ready to let them go.
- You may even tell them you forgive for leaving as well let them know you love them.
- Now I want you to imagine, feel or visualize that the silver threads are connecting from you to them.
- Here is where you’re going to let them go permanently. Use your imagination to cut the threads from yourself and the person you are letting go. After you have cut the threads, you can imagine the threads vanishing completely.
- Let your loved one leave through the same door they came in.
- Count to three and slowly open your eyes. Do a quick mental check to see how you feel. Drink a large glass of water as well eat some protein as you have used a lot of energy to clear things up. Rest for a good 10 minutes before going on with the rest of your day.
There that’s all there is to it. I have used the silver threads method with my clients many times. Each time it has been very successful.
Overcoming grief of loss takes time. But if you feel that it is taking longer than usual for it to happen, don’t be afraid to try the silver threads method.
Sidenote: You can also use this method if you are experiencing heartbreak or a divorce.
Let me know in the comments below what you think about this method.
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